Monte Has Spoken

New Jokes, New phone, New Gospel?

2010-08-14T16:43:00.004+01:00

Intro
After three months Monte Has finally Spoken! This week we have a new joke book, phones galore and why choose Jesus?

The Gags - A New Joke Book
While I was away at New Wine, my friend Jonno bought me the David Pytches joke book, “If you think my preaching is bad, try my jokes”. All I can say is RESULT!

Many of you will know I like a joke, it sometimes gets me into trouble but still, I always like to look on the funny side of life, its less boring that way and good for the soul.

Well, this book has some real gems, granted some are very cheesy, but in that so bad its good way, one of my particular favourites was this corker about preaching.

“A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt. Short enough to rouse interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.”

Take a bow Mr Pytches, TAKE A BOW!!

The Gadgets - New Phones?
I've been holding out for a new phone for a while now, but have finally taken the plunge away from my beloved G1. This time I've gone for the Samsung Galaxy S, an Android phone that looks a bit nicer than its HTC counterparts (dare I say it almost iPhone looking).

This was a big set for me at its the first phone I've had for about 5 years that doesn't have a slide out keyboard. Part of me thought I would miss it more than I have, the bigger screen and reasonably good predictive text has helped.

So the good points, firstly its an android phone so I can get the same apps, also as its google based all my contacts were straight on my phone no fuss. It looks great and its not an iPhone, there are still apps in fact some of them are better than in the apple apps store ones due to less restrictions on the developers.

Right so the Samsung bit, they've done a few nice things like through in a free office suite, and a couple of widgets, one of which is a short cut to wifi and bluetooth. Bad points are on some things due to the extra layer of Samsung stuff it can lag at times but that should be sorted once the latest over the air update is pushed out. This may put a few people of the Android OS when its nothing to do with that software its Samsungs own stuff. The only real downer is that it doesn't have a camera flash, but hey no phones perfect, otherwise they wouldn't be able to sell you the upgrades ;-)

Finally as with all new phones Samsung have joined up with the rest of the phone companies (except for Apple) by going onto a micro USB connection, which is planned to be rolled out on most electrical devices so no need for separate cables all the time.

So make the jump and go for an Android phone, or at least give them a look before signing your life away to the orchard ;-)

The Gospel - Why does this happen to me?
Its been a long time since my last blog (3 months) and part of the reason has been time, but the other has been a period of reflection on my faith. Well I say reflection more re-grounding, its funny how just as you get settled and start thinking you a “good person” (whatever that means) you see stuff that you need to deal with, some from the past and some present.

It was one of those, "well if you really loved me God why did this happen" moments, well I'm through it now (this time) I'm sure they'll be other challenges but I know when life gets tough which it will God's with me.

I was listening to a talk by Sy Rogers (former transvestite homosexual now a happily married heterosexual pastor) the other day about a similar thing. In his case it was10 years before God put him in a situation to deal with some of his issues of the past.

It was encouraging to hear how real he was with it. He said he shouted at God saying “NOW God, you wait until NOW!” He explained, he felt God say that “its only now that your in a position to deal with these things”.

That's Grace if you ask me, some things God radically changes over night, other things take time, if you've been doing things, saying things or living in a particular way for years, then what makes people think it won't take time to undo that way of thinking etc.

The most important thing that I've had to remember is that the Gospel hasn't changed. God loves us because he love us, because he LOVES US. There is no agenda, people thing we have to do all these things and then God loves us but its the opposite, he loved us so much that he came down and did something so that we could be close to him!

Yes, once you get to know him more then things do change, of course they do the nature of being a Christian is that we become “little Christ's” but God loves us even when we mess up, he knew we'd mess up before we did and still choose us.

Many people ask me about my beliefs and ask why I believe in God, the short answer is Jesus changed my life. I mean REALLY changed it. Yes I can still be a hard person to be around at times and yes there's still a lot of work to be done but that has been radical change in me. I'm still me, I'm just a better me, that's what Jesus does in us, he doesn't turn us into brain dead morons who sing “Kum ba yah” he takes our lives and lets us really live them.

I was helping out at New Wine conference last week in the 12-13 year old venue, and we really saw some amazing things, people being set free of depression, we saw legs grow, deaf ears opened! Thing is that this stuff is normal in the every day walk with Jesus, he told us to go and heal the sick.

John 10:10 says “I have come that they may have life and have it TO THE FULL.”

So lets not be hindered by our preconceived ideas and lets let Jesus do his thing, so we can do ours better.

˚˚ Monte Has Spoken ˚˚

Time Travel, Titans, London Pubs & Community Transformation

2010-05-12T11:43:00.001+01:00

Intro

This week we look across the spectrum of reality at the new Doctor Who, we look at Bluray discs, what's on at the flicks, meeting a right old East-end geezer and then look at how to transform the area you live in. All bundled with a good dose of G's

The Gallifreyan – Just call me The Doctor

Many of you will know I'm a huge Doctor Who fan, so the last two Saturdays have been a mixture of excitement and dread. With the success of David Tennant, the last Doctor bringing back the weirdness and genius of the Tom Baker days it was always going to be a hard act to follow.

There were so many things going to be different, this time round, first obviously was a new Doctor, though from seeing his monologue at the end of the last Tennant episode, it looked like he was going to be annoyingly good, I say that because like most of us, I wanted Tennant to stay on.

Now, with the new Doctor would be a new companion too, normally the Doctor would regenerate with his companion and thus there would be a continuity with the audience. However, I was sure that this would be done excellently as the new head writer Steven Moffat had been on the show for a few years and produced some fantastic episodes such as “Blink”.

Well, here it was the first episode, New Doctor, new head writer, new music, a new logo and new titles. Matt Smith played the part brilliantly too, the quirkiness mixed with genius and that element of the surreal. I laughed at the fish fingers and custard, so Doctor Who! Part of me was thinking there's going to be kids asking for that for tea.

I thought writing in the meeting with the young Amelia Pond was a stroke of genius. It created a bond with the new Doctor as she was the first person he saw in his new body, so when he went back and she's older there's already that connection between them.

It'll be interesting to see how the two characters develop over the series, a still quite broken Doctor putting a brave face on things, and a feisty companion who's looking for her saviour, this could be very good indeed. The way they wrote into the storyline the creating of a new inside to the TARDIS etc. it meant that in one episode they'd managed to change almost everything in a way that made logical sense, that's why Moffat's head writer, brilliant stuff!

Churchill and The Doctor with the Daleks, the other week was another example of where bringing in loads of elements that shouldn't work with Doctor Who, you can't go wrong, my favourite quote, my friend Ian picked up on “Okay, so its a jammy dodger, but you did promise me tea!”

The Goof – Rambles, Titans and Yorkshire Pudding

There's been plenty of goofing around the last month or so. Over the Easter break a load of us went on a ramble across the Cotswold countryside around Prestbury. The walk or rather wade was great fun, though quite muddy.

After this we went for a carvery at the bargain price of £3.59. Well, I say it was a bargain, as many of you know I've had a northern upbringing with a Yorkshire mum and a Derbyshire dad, so see a piddly Yorkshire pudding got me on a rant. Everyone knows a Yorkshire Pud's got to be big, the meal was great though, and there was plenty of gravy (which made up for the lack of Yorkshire) and it was good to catch up with people.

After it a few of us went back to a friends house to watch the Bourne trilogy on Bluray, now to me Bluray seems a bit of a con, yes the colour is brighter and there's a bit more detail like being able to see the fingerprints on a close up, but seriously £20 a film is a rip! Watching Bourne with the surround sound set up and all three films in a row was great, you get so much more out of the films, little gems you haven't noticed before, plus its always good to have a movie day from time to time.

Speaking of movies, a few of us lads went to watch, Clash of the Titans 3D. Now I'd heard mixed reviews about it, some said it was brilliant, some said it was dire. Now for me this is where I put logic out the window, sadly as many of you know one of my eyes decided to go on strike when I was about three and has only worked part time since. A couple of years ago there was a small improvement which has meant no need for my glasses, but at present its not fully functional. The reason for saying this is that because only one eye works “fully” I do not see the 3D effect of a 3D film. So I ended up paying for a 3D film I would see in 2D.

Now the film itself is a remake of the 1981 classic that graces our small screens on bank holidays yearly. The remake however, story wise was not a patch on the original, it was a similar storyline though warped into a hate of the God's fork as opposed to the hero saving the day by rescuing his beloved. The character build up was poor at best, but the special effects were good, and apparently the 3D was ok. A nice touch was the cameo of the clockwork golden owl (who is part of the original film) and an almost exact opening scene. I know this because I spotted the original in Sainsbury's for a bargain £3.

The Geezer - London Pub Connections

A couple of weeks ago I had to go to London on a course with work. Many of you will know that due to my Northern upbringing I always struggle down in London, the unfriendliness and lack of atmosphere when out drives me mad.

Well, my friend and colleague Adam and I went out looking for a pub with Sky, so we could watch the football, and we found a gem of a pub down from the hotel. It wasn't the most salubrious of areas and there were more dealers than in a Las Vegas casino, but at last we'd found a proper pub with people chatting and lots of banter bouncing back from the bar.

We managed to meet this old geezer who was a crooked and as nice as they come, telling us all sorts of stories and explaining that our hotel was “ideal for a villain. . . there's no cameras!” Usually when you meet these lovely east-end guys you have to take most of it with a pinch of salt (they all seem to know Ray Winston) but this guy was so funny, half the time you thought he might be telling the truth. Then he started talking about being in a short film and we were both thinking “oh yeah whatever” then he said it was on youtube, to our shock I managed to pull it up on the G1!

The rest of the mob in there were great, the cleaner was a long suffering Liverpool fan who joked that there was no chanting whilst the match was on, we then pointed out that Liverpool were on the other screen and this was Fulham (much to his amusement).

We spent most evenings there and by the end of the week we were part of the mob ourselves, this left me rather confused as I didn't think it was possible down south.

The Gospel – Making a Noise in Cheltenham

With May bank holiday approaching many of you are looking forward to a hard earned break, for myself and others from Trinity we are looking forward to getting stuck into the Noise project.

For those of you that don't know about the Noise, every May bank holiday, people from Trinity Cheltenham and other churches in the area, get involved in actively transforming the community through various projects such as helping to redevelop peoples gardens / rooms through to creating murals on a school playground wall.

Now to me this is real church, getting outside the building and serving people, it shouldn't be this holy huddle it should be doing what Jesus did, going out to the needy and the poor as well as to the rich.

That's why I love the fact in the next few weeks our cluster will be getting involved with street teams this term, going out to the vulnerable in Cheltenham and talking with them, giving them food and building relationships with them, its not about feeling good by helping its about building long term relationships.

Following on from this I was looking at Matthew 25:31-46 (the parable of the sheep and the goats) in which all the people of the world are split into two camps some are sheep some are goats. Jesus then turns to them

Matthew 25:34-36

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

They ask when they did those things, and he goes on to explain that any time you do help someone who is struggling or is in a vulnerable position you are also doing it to him. This is an amazing concept, saying that in every good deed we do, we are doing it ultimately for God.

Being a Christian shouldn't just be about going to church and having a personal faith, it should also be about helping others and being there when people need you. Some might say this sounds like a faith vs. deeds debate, but I disagree. It's not by deeds we have faith, its because we have faith that we are compelled through the spirit to do things.

If we ask Jesus into our lives he comes in, gradually our hearts are changed to the point where we just can't sit aside and see people in need. It's not to make ourselves feel better, its about doing what's right, letting God prompt us, not so that people see us doing these "good things" , but doing them to show people just how much Jesus loves them.

It's about living the life not just talking about it. Doing things not because we have to but because we GET to.

˚˚ Monte Has Spoken ˚˚

Mozambique Madness, Party Time in Wales and Why Religion is Pointless

2010-04-01T13:42:00.001+01:00

Intro.
In this weeks Monte has spoken we look at time out in Mozambique, this weekends trip down to Wales and with Easter approaching, what does it really mean, discovering why religion is pointless.

The Globe – Mozambique Madness

As I mentioned the other week, I've had the opportunity to go out on mission to other countries on a few occasions, last time I spoke about India, this week I'm going to talk about my time in Mozambique.

One of my good friends Heather felt called to go and serve at the Zimpeto Children's Centre, in Maputo and she went out there in February 2009. For some time my heart had been on Africa and I was wanting to go over there and help out with either some projects or else with children. So with Heather being a face I would know out there, I took the plunge and sorted out going on a short term trip by myself.

Well, after a few interesting changes to my schedule I finally got to the centre and was greeted by Heather and some of the other missionaries along with a lot of the kids.

While I was out there, I really wanted to help out with the 5-9 year old boys. I help out with this age group as part of kids church and so I thought it would be cool to see both the similarities and the differences between kids at that ages, and if given the chance tell the kids at home what kids their own age.

I was introduced to Becca and Megan, who oversaw the boys for afternoon crafts, a lot of the stuff with this was sitting with them and just spending time with them, making all sorts of posters, potted plants and cards, even with the language barrier it was really cool getting to know them and their characters. Part of this bonding for me was going into the canteen and eating with them at meal time, I got a lot of attention with my white skin and as they saw “soft funny hair” they also liked the fact that I'd eat with my hands with them (I'd picked up this skill in India).

Over the next two weeks I did loads of amazing things, some broke my heart to see the poverty there, others really encouraged me to get involved with things back at home. As I've said before its good to get some perspective, and by seeing what others are going through our mountains seem like molehills.

The Gala – Party time in Wales

This past weekend saw some sixteen families join us for the Tandem weekend away at Hebron Hall, South Wales. Tandem exists to serve single parent families in our local community by offering them friendship and support. The weekend away offers the chance to build on these friendships and to have family fun as well as “mum time” while activities are arranged for the kids.

For many of our families this is their only holiday away, while the kids are having fun in their groups the mums have a mixture of talks, discussions and crafts. We also packed our stuff down to Barry Island for a much needed trip to the beach on Saturday afternoon. Sunday there was a gala of what the Kids had been up to with a play and some music too. It was amazing to see the growth of both the kids and the mums over the weekend and how new friendships had blossomed, roll on next year, I say.

The Gospel – Why Religion is pointless

As we approach Easter, its always at this time of year I'm reminded just how pointless being part of a religion is. Many of you may be shocked by this, given the nature of my blog and many of you will know that I am a Christian.

Now most will know of the many religions there are in the world, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism etc. Religion usually involves following a set of rules or principles in order to be accepted by God or else to achieve enlightenment or alike. This will split opinion on the virtues of each and where there are faults, some are put off completely by what they deem as a means of control.

Being a church goer myself, I can see the faults of the Church both in the past and the present, for me its when a religious aspect controls the church, thus following the rules becomes more important than why you are following them. Jesus pointed this out when he mocked the Pharisees, where the institution became like a beating stick for others.

This leads me to my main point, Christianity shouldn't be a religion, a religion is where you follow a bunch of rules and then God will approve of you, its about what you need to do for God.

As we look at the Easter story and see the many programs that surround the subject, we see its not what we do in order to get close to God. Its what God did for us.

He came down in the person of Jesus and lived the perfect life because he knew that we couldn't and then stepped in our place to take the punishment we deserved. It's the most non-religious thing in history, God does something for us, its not us trying to do something to gain approval its Him coming to do something so we can come to him.

I'm so glad we have a God who knows our weaknesses and flaws, who knows what its like to be tempted and also knows the the burden was too much to bare for us.

I'm constantly reminded of this, I mess up every day, but I know that its not what I do that makes God love me, its what he's done to show he loves me that makes me do what I do (and change who I am).

Anyone who has seen “The Passion of Christ” will have an idea of what Jesus went through for us, its the closest thing that has been produced to give an account.

This week it would be good to also read over what happened at Easter and why we celebrate this event, stick with Marks gospel that we talked about last week why not look through chapters 14-16

So this week as we remember what Jesus did and how he suffered for us, lets remember its so that we could be close to him and its not about being religious. It's a long process of change, not to get close to Him, but because we can be close to him and so it starts to show.

˚˚ Monte Has Spoken ˚˚

The Gadgets, The Goof & The Gospel - Dock hunting, Card playing & Dream Interpretation

2010-03-23T13:08:00.001Z

The Gadgets

I went down to cribs with my friend Ian on Saturday, he was after a docking station for his iphone, I needed a new coat and we both fancied a road trip. The thing is, when Ian and I get together the day is just one big laugh, constant joking, banter and silliness.

We went into the Apple shop, and got talking to a sales girl, the thing I found funny is the first five minutes of the conversation was Ian telling her she needed to get an iphone, a bit of role reversal me thinks. When we finally got looking at docking stations we had a great laugh, we wanted to know whether a particular one was any good and she didn't know so we checked online, whilst we were doing this she was trying to show us all these fancy Mac features and half of them wouldn't work to my hilarity.

Eventually we found one the fitted the bill, so she went to check if they had it in stock, I said to Ian we'd wind her up if it wasn't there. As it was they'd ran out. Anyway, after a great laugh we thought we'd go up to her manager and say how good she was with customer service, she'd put up with us winding her up and there was great banter and lots of laughter, we also thought its nice for people to be told they're doing a good job.

So after all the laughter we went to get a coffee, I ordered this banana milkshake and after a few minutes was told they'd got no bananas did I want something else, I went for a strawberry one. As I left I spotted that the strawberry one was 30p more WINNER!! The Yorkshire side of me was well pleased.

After a good walk round and some lunch we decided that our last stop would be the bookshop, now this is where I saw the gadget in question. We shall call it a super-page for fear of advertising, but basically it was a contraption advertised as being able to hold your book open. I looked at it and laughed, then saw the price £7.99, I mean £7.99 to hold your book open, you know what else does that YOUR HANDS and they're free!

The Goof

So, it was JT's birthday on Thursday so a few of us went round to his new place for some poker. Now, I've not really played poker “properly” before, the nearest I'd got to a poker game before was a bit of 5 card draw with my sister about 10 years ago whilst on holiday. This was a new experience for me, great fun and lots of banter as we were all trying to guest who was bluffing and who wasn't.

The best part of the night though was when Nai came in with some choc-ices for us all and there ended up being three left over, in a rather tongue in check comment someone suggested they'd be the prize for the next hand, then Rayfield suggested we did one card each lowest had to eat all three in a minute!

So here we were one card each face down, all dreading the thought of eating these choc-ices, the first few cards were turned over, a queen, a ten, an eight, and then a FOUR, oh dear it wasn't looking good, I was next an eight get in, it eventually got round to Jonno's turn and oh dear a TWO!

Well credit to him he just about managed it (there's a video on that facebook device).

The Gospel

This week I thought it'd be cool to look at the book of Daniel. Now, I know last week we focused on the New Testament but there's some amazing stuff in the whole bible, and since 77% of it is the Old Testament I thought it'd be cool to dive in. We're going to go quickly through the first three chapters and then pull out some things to discuss. To set the scene a bit, Israel has been conquered by the Babylonians, and Daniel with three friends have been carried off (with other Israelites) to the palace of Nebuchadnezzar the Babylonian king.

Now the palace slaves were given royal food and win, but Daniel and friends asked permission if they could just have water and vegetables so they would not defile themselves according to their God (think Jewish Kosher food laws).

I love this, not just that they wanted to stick to their beliefs but the fact they came humble and asked. There is then a test to see if Daniels point that they would be healthier than the others would be the case. So they stick to their beliefs and trust that God will give them the right outcome. True to God's faithfulness it does, but something cool happens, God also blesses them with understanding.

Daniel 1:17 (NIV)

To these four young men God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds of literature and learning. And Daniel could understand visions and dreams of all kinds.

Now in chapter 2, King Nebuchadnezzar has a dream that nobody can interpret, and so in anger he says that all wise men should be put to death (v12). So the guards come to get Daniel and he asks what is going on, he then asks the king if he can have time to seek an interpretation and this is granted. Then Daniel and his friends plead to God for the answer.

This I find another testing thing for my faith, they stepped out in risk before they had the answer trusting that God would give it to them. How many times do we hold back because we're waiting on God, sometimes we need to go for it and if its God's will then the answers will come.

Again God is faithful and they get the answers, Daniel then states there is not a wise man who could find the answers but it is God that gave them. The whole point of any sign or answered prayer is that it points back to God, we need to give him the glory.

What happens next is amazing, Nebuchadnezzar praises God saying he is “the God of all gods” by stepping out Daniel has been able to show the King the true God.

Moving into chapter 3 we see something strange happens, Nebuchadnezzar goes from praising “the God of gods” to creating an idol of himself and saying he is the only one to be worshipped. Isn't this typical of most human beings, we need answers or get into trouble so we pray etc. God helps us and then we forget so easily. Or we end up on the other side of the scale where we've prayed for something that hasn't happened so we walk away.

I don't know why God doesn't answer all prayers, I'm NOT God (a hard thing for a male to say), I do know that he is good and he is faithful.

I also note that if all my prayers had been answered, I'd be in a right mess now, looking back I'm so grateful that we have a God that doesn't only give us what we want but loves us enough that if something we want is not good for us we don't get it. I mean he loved us enough to send Jesus to die for us.

So, lets remember to give God the glory this week, and praise him whatever happens in our lives, he IS faithful and true, even if sometimes we don't realise it until much later.

˚˚ Monte Has Spoken ˚˚

The Globe, The Goof & The Gospel

2010-03-15T11:49:00.004Z

The Globe

As many of you know I love to travel, there's something about seeing other cultures that gets me excited. It really helps seeing how different and yet similar we all are. The last couple of years I've also managed to tie in my travelling with helping out on a mission trip.

My first in November in 2008 was a youth camp in Nilshi, India, the whole point of this camp was to empower the youth to go out and change their villages. It was so exciting to see how during the week people moved on with God, I had developed some great friendships out there and fortunately I've managed to keep in touch with them one way or another with them.

I'd recommend mission to anyone who is looking to grow in themselves and also in Him, its amazing how encouraging it is meeting new people and seeing what they do and what they have. It gives you some perspective on things, we have so much over here in the UK but yet we seem less joyful and content than anywhere else.

I love going on these trips because despite what people think will happen, it is us that learn, we're not going over there to save the day, we're going to grow and learn.

Friday this week was really good, we had a meeting about the next Nilshi camp (Nov 2010), I'm even more excited than I was 2 years ago, mainly because I know partly what to expect, though if there's one thing I've learnt its to not expect anything, but I'm excited that I get to see Brother Thomas and my dear friend Raju again.

The Goof

So, you probably noticed the last couple of weeks there has been no blog, this was due to an entire week of goofing (well almost)! It was the big Boarding / Skiing trip and a bunch of us from Trinity (and a few other places) jumped on a plane to La Rosiere, France for a week in the snow.

Now, as you all know if you've read the blog before I love boarding, but my favourite part is being out in the open with the mountains surrounding you and just realising what an amazing world we really live in, I find my self just thanking God for his creativity and I'm awestruck with the sites I see.

This week was a little different for me, having pulled a muscle in my back I was rather frustrated that on the second day I had to sit out and rest, as it turned out I had a great day reading and listening to podcasts and music and felt refreshed and raring to go on Monday morning. This is where the fun really started, I went out with the fellow boarders and Gareth decided that we'd do a little off piste, now I've not gone off piste before but I was up for it, all I knew is I had to lean back or else the board would dig in and I'd be eating snow. Having realised I hadn't got the hang of turning off piste I ended up on a lovely long run going down the mountain Goofy (right foot forward,not my leading foot) after falling over once I managed to get back on what I thought was the piste with some effort.

What happened next was looking back a rather hilarious mistake, I'd seen the red poles of the piste markers both sides but I was really struggling with this very deep snow, falling over every so many feet and struggling to get back up as the snow gave away every time I tried to push / pull myself up. Now as it turned out I was off piste in between too red runs, by the time I realised that I'd fallen over some 20 times and tried to get up about 50 odd times, forgetting the altitude I was rather upset about how unfit I was panting away, half broken I finally got to the bottom, with everybody waiting and most thinking I was dead.

The rest of the week was great fun, yes we encountered too many button lifts for my liking but we also did some great runs, a lot of off piste and I did my first proper black run! We also did some jumps which even with an interesting back the fact we were doing them off piste meant some nice soft snow to land on! Bring on the next trip I say!!

The Gospel

This week I watched a vodcast from John Piper looking at Romans 8:13

For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live,

Piper talked about how there is a battle going on between the selfish attitude and the godly attitude and that is how we will live or die, not that we will always win our battles but that the fight carries on. It's about admitting our struggles and realising that without Jesus we have no chance.

What really stood out to my was “by the Spirit”, he looked at where else it is used and what “by the Spirit” means. Now in Ephesians 6 it talks about the Sword of the Spirit being the word of God. This is how we kill off the sinful nature, by quoting scripture, so its important to immerse yourselves in scripture.

This put me onto Luke 4 – The temptation of Jesus, the devil tempts him during his time in the desert, verse 3 “if you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread” and Jesus replies with “it is written, man should not live by bread alone.” Jesus fights temptation with scripture through this passage, which means that its important to know your bible. It also means that being tempted isn't wrong its what you do with that temptation.

It's about knowing who we are in Christ, Ephesians 5 says we should be imitators of God as dearly loved children and this is where we need to look to Jesus and what he did, we also need to know about God's character and we gain that through reading our bible, praying, church etc.

What I love about Jesus is that he came down to earth to live as a man and bear our punishment, it also means that whatever we are going through he understands because he's been here and he knows what we're going through. He lead the perfect life because he knew we couldn't. Because of that I know when I slip up I can confess it, get back up and carry on my journey to become more like the servant King.

If you don't know Jesus, pick up a bible or go to biblegateway and have a read of Marks gospel, it'll tell you all about him and you can see why so many follow him.

˚˚ Mōηŧé Ħåŝ Špōĸéη˚˚

Gags or Gaffs?, Whos that Greebo Goofing and a bit of The Gospel

2010-02-23T15:57:00.004Z

The Gags

I've just come back from the weekend away, and well this weeks gags is more a story of a gaffs.

Now as I've been saying the last few weeks I love thinking up of things to joke about and love trying to build a set with layers/ different angles. I was ready to roll with some new and old hoping for a few laughs.

Having had a fairly rubbish week I struggled to shake the nerves off, but I thought I'd get up and give it a go anyway. Now, normally I'll start off by asking how people got on during the free time in the afternoon, which gets people a bit involved and you can tell how things are going to go. This time there was little or no response, it took me off my stride a bit, and I never really recovered.

It truly bombed, I did get a few laughs but it was tough, I cut the set short, the gaff was that by doing so I skipped some of the build up for certain gags or else cut out the added gems from an otherwise unfunny line. I tried to get off as quickly as possible, feeling it was the worst thing I'd done since I started doing these things a couple of years ago.

Actually as weird as it sounds it was a good “bad” experience, I've never really though about a back up plan for when some things not working, I know Eddie Izzard will make a joke of it “note to self . . . nobody's going with it”. It also got me thinking how professional comedians do it, say if they go up after a row or some bad news, credit to them I'd say.

So is this the end of the line for it, nah you pick up and learn from it, if you give in when something goes wrong you never learn, its also a good thing to get cut down occasionally it stops you getting too cocky and proud.

In the mean time a little Gem from the great Peter Kay “Me mates just got sacked off dodgems . . . he's doing them for funfair dismissal!”

The Greebo

Now, as many of you know I am a self confessed greebo at heart, I think its really down to years of love for Grunge, Punk, Rock, Metal etc. and my love of the festivals. I try at times to move out of this and smarten up a bit but always end up reverting to type. I know its not very Cheltenham of me but to be fair, I'm not very Cheltenham. It's been hard enough getting me into shirts with buttons let alone fancy jumpers.

With the weather as it is there's nothing better to wear than your favourite hoodie, I've tried picking out jumpers but always end up with some weird looking thing that once on I end up looking like an old Grandad. Someone said to go to a place like Debenhams and have a personal shopper help you out, but theres 2 things that get in the way of that. First is my hate of shopping and second is DEBENHAMS!!

The Goof

After a friends birthday drinks, Hughes, Bully and I legged it off to the pigs to save our ears from the cheese that was “fever”. Now I love the pigs, many don't but I think its down to what your expecting. If you only ever go to the likes of Time, I mean Moda, I mean The Place :-p then of course you might think what's going on? I've always been on the rock / Greebo side of things, so when people walk in with piercings everywhere, Pink hair or are Gothed out its all good for to me. This night was even better because there was a big party who had come in fancy dress, and credit to them they had gone all out, super heroes, horror movie characters, fairies etc.

The best of the night was a girl who'd painted herself completely orange with a diamond encrused phantom of the opera mask and a cape with “The FANTA of the Opera” on the back, absolute genius, take a bow girl, take a bow!!

Other goofing this week was with Readie, we met up for a catch up in Aprés bar in town, now the funny thing about Apré is that you get all sorts go in there, freshers to oldies, this makes for a field day of gags, as you cringe at the site of old boys trying to chat up uni girls. One guy made us laugh so hard, he was obviously wasted and dancing about thinking he was it. Clearly a veteran sharker, the girls were used to blocking the attempts. We were gonna go over and encourage him to move away but fortunately they left and he was off onto someone his own age. Clearly the jaws theme tune should follow him around.

The Gospel
While away at the Alpha weekend, we we're lead to look at Galatians 5, the fruits of the Spirit. The fruit analogy is perfect, think about what we need to do for fruit to grow, we have to prepare the ground, plant the seed and water it, then gradually things begin to grow, a small shoot first and after time something more. I think people can be too caught up in instant solutions and forget that anything worthwhile takes time and attention.

Galatians 5:22-26 (ESV)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

This is something many of us overlook, we have a God who not only loves us enough to die for us, but by inviting his him into our lives we also bear fruit in the likeness of him. Who wouldn't want to be more loving, joyful, kind etc. I love this passage as it is so true, we people make the decision to follow Jesus they start to grow in these areas. It's never an instant solution, which can be frustrating for some, but I think its amazing seeing how we change as we become more like Jesus.

Commitment, that's the word “If we live by the Spirit, let us walk by the Spirit” its not about just talking the talk its about walking the walk! It's a gradual process, some things seem to happen instantly others take a long time and yes of course from time to time we may slip up. But if we do we get back up confess it and carry on moving towards God, we are not perfect God knows that, its why he sent Jesus to bear the load for us.

Another element with fruit is sometimes you need to prune a plant to get more fruit from it, we get pruned at times, and wonder what is happening and what we've done wrong. Sometimes its the opposite, we are doing well but in order to do better we need to strip everything back until all that's left is us clinging to God.

Sometimes we don't understand what God is doing until months or years later, sometimes we won't know until we see him face to face.

The decision is do we trust him or not, if we do, then we know he's always gonna be with us and even when life gets bumpy, he's sat there right next to us.

=Monte Has Spoken =

The Gags, The Game, The Goof, The Gospel - A sideways take on this week

2010-02-15T13:15:00.006Z

The Gags

So, I had this idea for a routine for the weekend away after some brainstorming last night, I think I may have to use it another time though, as its a bit close to home this time round. John Cleese in an interview once said that comedy is basically a form of light tragedy and on looking back at the likes of Fawlty Towers and his Basil character, most of the humour including some of the slapstick would prove that statement. The usual “I can't believe its going to … oh he has you know”.

When trying to write something for a routine, you can be at a disadvantage compared to comedy shows as you can't fall back on previous character development / catchphrases to get the laugh. This makes for a dilemma, you either have to create a character for your stand up ie Al Murray's Pub Landlord or else it means putting yourself out for a fall in order to get the laugh. Strange as it sounds I prefer the latter, obviously your going to make things up or exaggerate things to build up the anticipation, but I've found that mocking life and the way things turn out can not only be good for a routine but also quite a good way of not getting so stuck up with things.

It's funny how the British sense of humour is very much along this line, with irony, sarcasm and tragic twists. Some of the best comedians use these things, bringing forward some very obvious points that make you say “why didn't I think of that” or “yes . . I've noticed that”. What I do like however, is some of the more subtle things that many put in, almost as a subtext to the main routine that on first glance (or listen) can be missed. It's almost like an Easter egg within the show or DVD, adding value and making it worth watching a few times (love to get my moneys worth out of things, must be the Yorkshire side of me). Sadly for a first set somewhere / one-off gigs, its hard to include these little gems as its usually only a few that may have heard you before and obviously there's no DVD recording going on for that second or third listen, but hey, its a good practice to have just in case ;-)

The Game
The stage is set its 11pm and we're round Jon's to watch the biggest sporting event in the US calender “Superbowl XLIV” the Indianapolis Colts vs New Orleans Saints. The Colts are the clear favourites (apparently) and its The Saints first ever Superbowl.

American Football has always confused me slightly, on first glance it looks like Rugby for people who can't throw behind them or cope with being tackled and therefore need all this padding. I've also never understood why a game of four quarters of 15 minutes each can take over 4 hours!

What made this different is Jon is married to a girl from Texas and therefore has been over there quite a few times, we means he knows all (or most) of the rules to the game. This came in very handy when the commentary team were dishing out stats like there would be no tomorrow. The game itself once you know the rules can be quite exciting, we were all getting hyped as the first quarter was ending and I even caught myself commenting on tactics the Saints were using (clearly now an expert lol). As the second quarter ended we went to the kitchen, where pancake mix and streaky bacon beckoned us. Baring in mind that it's 1.30 in the morning there somehow wasn't a better thing to do, than to have an American style breakfast and then spin the digibox back so we could watch The Who at half time.

So onto the second half, New Orleans upped their game and after scoring a try oops I mean Touchdown, then they had the choice of kicking for an extra point or going for the line again for 2, they chose the latter and after a video replay were awarded the 2 points. Now the underdogs in the lead, I'm loving it, before the game we all though that the Colts would win by a mile but wanted the Saints to win. After a breakaway touchdown the Saints are steaming away and a huge upset is on the cards and ultimately achieved. More shockingly though, I think I've found a new game to watch.

The Goof
It's been a busy week, hence my late blog but its also been one of a variety of goofing around, Wednesday was the first ever small group at my house which I duly dubbed “Glasshouse Granville”. After bringing the house into “visitor mode” it was time to cook the meal, now anyone who knows me knows that I have this border line vendetta on packet sauces and ready meals, thus meaning that when I cook its all from scratch, the spices are lined up and although it takes a lot longer hopefully it tastes a lot better. Well clearly not knowing how many of the 8 people would turn up I had to ensure there was enough food to go round (decent portions non of this southern stinginess) so it took me the best part of an hour or so to prep, thus meaning that time was getting tight, as it turned out there would be only four of us this week (with two coming a bit later not wanting food).

I love having friends over and chatting over a meal, its a big thing in the middle-eastern culture that we seem to have lost over here. Its over a meal that people can be relaxed and really talk, not this pretence of “I'm fine” or “works good” but real conversation. Ultimately ending in the hilarity of people mishearing or the getting onto a subject where you end up in the ethers of near insanity. As it turned out we had a great time, and I look forward to the next time we all meet up.

The Gospel

With Valentines on its way (or passed as I'm posting this) I wanted to look at something a bit different and not go down the lovey-dovey route, though the very nature of my faith is a supreme act of love and so this has proved difficult.

I'm not anti-valentines at all, I think its a good thing, its nice to send cards or receive them (if you lucky enough to), but I do feel that showing love shouldn't just be on a special occasion, whether it be within a romantic relationship, family unit or friendship.

I was looking at 1 Corinthians 12, a passage that many of you might be familiar with. It talks about the gifts of the spirit and also the church being “one body”. Now firstly, we all know that God gives out gifts to us all, as he deems fit. We can ask him for a particular gift and if it is his will then he will bless us with it, I'm not one who says everyone can have every gift if they ask, as it clearly states that God is the giver and he gives as he see fit. We are all different (thankfully) and each have a different gift mix.

In the second part of this chapter (verse 12 onwards) it talks about One Body many parts. We all all different and yet we all fit into this thing we call church, not a building but the people of God.

1 Corinthians 12:14-20 (ESV)

“For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them,as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.”

I love what it says about "if all were one [part] then where is the body", I shows that we're meant to be unique, that we all think differently and serve him in whichever way(s) he has inspired us to. One Church, meaning the people of God, whether you are an Anglican, Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal etc. we are all part of ONE church, sometimes people forget that. We all believe that its nothing we do to save ourselfs it's what Jesus has done and through him we are made whole.

One thing that really spoke to me this week was the body metaphor, its easy to think along the lines that we are different parts and therefore we need each other, but I was lead to thinking about how each of us interacts with each other and how the body supports each other. If you cut your leg then the eyes can see it, your brain feels it and the whole body knows that a part of it is in pain. The arms and hands bandage it up so that it can heal. This is the same way the church should be, so often we don't look out the for other parts of the body, we need to remember to help each other and be there for one another, looking through Jesus' eyes and hurting when others hurt but also being joyful when others are.

So this week, lets make it our goal to remember that we are ONE body and because of that we need to look after each other being there for each other and if need be bandaging each other up.

=Monte Has Spoken =

This weeks 4 G's

2010-02-05T13:20:00.005Z

The Gags

Some of the jokes I've heard over the years certainly can't be repeated but I was reminded of this gem from Tim Vine . . .
“Did you here about the Dutchman with the inflatable shoes. . . he went out for a jog, and popped his clog's”
Sadly this won't make the cut at alpha, it might get mentioned in the pub afterwards though.

The Gravy
As many of you know I'm a self professed northerner (Derbyshire and Yorkshire blood), as as such I feel its my duty to explain the true meaning of gravy. It is what can make or break your meal! Obviously, the quality of the food is important but if you mess the gravy up you've wasted hours cooking for the sake of saving 5 minutes on doing the gravy properly. So here's the cure, a proper gravy recipe (I am aware from family to family they change).

Take the juices from your roast, spoon off the fat and then add some gravy powder, a teaspoon of Marmite and some water. Simmer over a medium heat and then add some of the water from your veg, add salt & pepper to taste. Stir occasionally and reduce to your preferred thickness. Apply generously to your meal, if need be make a dam out of the potato to stop gravy spills :-)

The Goof

This weeks goofing around was with my good friend Jon, he'd been given some vouchers for the MK snow dome and so with my imminent boarding holiday on the cards I felt it just had to be done. So we set off down Jon's sneaky back road route which was a great driving route, though I probably didn't take it as hard down the road as Jon would have liked!

We get there and kit up and then I spot them, the bane of all boarders, button lifts! Having previously avoided these sticks of doom whilst out in Tignes, I find them here at the MK dome. Jon quickly gave me a guide on how to get on them and we were off, granted not the most graceful first few feet but it was fine after that.

At the top though was the biggest challenge for a long time, its narrow and I was very rusty, there's one problem boarders have over skiers, if you think about what you're doing too much, your all over the place (and I was). After hitting some ice I missed my toe-turn and had a choice of taking out the button lifts or a row with a pillar (fortunately padded), the later option I felt was least likely to get me kicked off the slope. We then decided it was time for a pint, and chilled for a bit, it seemed to do the trick and the more relaxed approach got me almost to where I'd left off last year.

There's something amazing about boarding, the awesome moment when you step out on the mountain you blown away with God's amazing creation and you see the thousands of feet of snow to attack. I've actually found myself really connecting out on the slopes with just the wonder of it all. Just over three weeks until the trip, can't wait!!

The Gospel

I've been looking at Colossians 3:17 this week “...whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” I can remember doing a talk at cluster on this passage last year.

It's an interesting concept we sometimes forget, that everything we do we do it for him, we can bring him into everything we do. Sometimes we forget we are representatives of the kingdom, not just in church but outside too. Of course, not everything we do can be perfect, but giving it your all and trying your best is what's asked from us, in all areas of life, be it work, friendships, faith the lot! I've been reminded of this when it gets to 4.30pm and the general attitude to work tends to be ticking over until it gets to 5pm, or dare I say it to log onto that Facebook device ans waste some time.

Now, I can understand some situations at work where having a God-like attitude can come in handy, when someone's down or needing some help because they are stressing out. But when I have a load of data entry I find it hard to think “Yay, I'm doing this well for Jesus, Praise God for data entry” but ultimately when everything is stripped down, we are.

Quite controversially, this concept brought me to Revelation 3:16 “since you are neither hot or cold I [God] shall spit you out of my mouth” and I thought “Am I being a lukewarm by not giving my all at work?” , if everything we do is an act for God then surely all my work counts too. Now we're all imperfect and so at times we have bad days, but I do think sometimes we forget to get back on the boil, going through the motions through the day or even at church. This is something I am guilty of now and again, and I am reminded of this passage and try to get back on the spiritual hob, so to speak.

The thing I find with being a Christian is that everybody who isn't is very quick to point out your failings. I don't always think that's a bad thing, just because a colleague has pointed out a flaw doesn't mean we should dismiss it. Think about Jacob in Genesis 31:26 when Laben rebukes him by saying “what have you done to me, you have deceived me...” God does use non believers to speak to us at times, obviously its important to test what's given to you with the word, but its good to remember that the all-mighty God we serve can speak through anything and anyone.

So lets remember to keep on the boil and take note of advice and comments, ultimately we're given this wonderful life as a gift and we need to remember to invite Jesus into it daily, he's not going to force his way in. He's come so that we might live life to the full, and so by handing it over to him we can, bringing true to concept of whoever loses his life will gain it (Luke 17:33). It's not about control its about freedom!

=Monte Has Spoken =

The Four G's

2010-01-29T11:36:00.008Z

Intro
This is something I've been meaning to do for a while now, ultimately I'll put these into a site under each section, but for the time being I thought this blog would be cool.

The Gags
I'm sure most of you know I like a good joke (and the odd bad one) particularly when it comes to meal times or down the pub. A couple of years ago I decided to give stand up a go with some quite hilarious (and not all the good kind) results.

My first "performance" was a largely unscripted stand up set at an alpha weekend away, I had about 4 jokes I wanted to weave into a storyline with the hope it would get some laughs. Actually some of it did, many did say to me they enjoyed it, the really funny moment was me announcing that my engagement had ended mid set. Actually since then I've made a joke about how I did that, nothing wasted. ;-) and discovered the importance of preparation.

The next time I did stand up at alpha I'd prepared a bit better and the same people said it flowed much better. I've managed to do a few more since then, gradually adding extra gags into the story, cutting out the ones that got no reaction and have about 15-20 minutes of material thing is after 2 years I'm at the stage where I really want to write a completely new script, yes I love my set but I feel its my duty to push myself and produce some new original stuff.

My mind is constantly thinking of situations for routines, some of them I try out mid convo to see if they get a laugh others I have in the car and usually amuse myself for sometime and then by the end of the journey forget them (nightmare). I also have put boundaries on my humour, this was largely due to my bible reading over the summer, Eph 5 (no coarse language or joking).

I've always tried to be a clean comic, I have been known in the past to throw in the odd innuendo during a routine but last time I cut that part out of the routine and people still enjoyed the set. Comedy has always been a hobby of mine, my favourite comics being, Peter Kay, Billy Bailey, Ken Dodd and Michael McIntyre. Granted most of these guys can be a bit "on the mark" (except Ken Dodd) but bot overly crude, well until I say McIntyres new "Hello Wembley" DVD and was quite disappointed with the nature of most of the gags. Some may say I'm being a prude but to me jokes of that nature scream lazy writing. Sadly though many go down that route, they use up all their ideas and resort to crudities or bad language to get the laugh.

So hopefully I can produce something good that people will enjoy, otherwise its back to the old routine.

The Goof
So, on Wednesday myself and the Mortlock went down to Cardiff for a Tna show (that's Total Non-stop Action Wrestling) and I must say what a night. If you've never watched TNA its slightly different from the likes of WWE as their whole USP is high flying action oh and a 6 sided ring.

Now I know most people will think its sad going to watch wrestling, but I would say it was tremendous fun. The Cardiff International Arena was set up really well and there was a lot of banter throughout the night. We all know professional wrestling is fake but you have to hand it too them even with the best will in the world if you keep being thrown about its gonna hurt.

There is something soap-opera esc about professional wrestling with its story lines and playing to the crowd, seeing it live is quite different there's no Mike Tenay / Tazz / Jim Ross / Jerry Lawler hyping up the action on commentary, there's alot more wrestling but also more showmanship by the performers (sorry wrestlers). The ring announcer will try and get the crowd hyped up with the time honoured "I think this side is loudest" and there's always going to be the odd "shock".

One thing I did like which I think made the night for me was because TNA is small in comparison to the WWE it seems to put its fans on a higher standing, throughout the night they were giving out backstage passes. During the interval Dixie Carter (the president of TNA) was walking around talking to fans, signing autographs and having pictures taken, later on she would come out during the show and thank everyone for coming.

But the thing I though was the nicest touch was after a match that featured fans favourites Team 3D and Kurt Angle, they got a couple of young kids out of the crowd and into the ring and chatted with them, and then signed a couple of bits of the "Table" that Rhino had just been put through (though when you see how flimsy they are it makes you chuckle).

Overall the night was fantastic fun, so many laughs and Matt is always good company!

The Graphics
Most of you that know me well will know I'm a huge Manga / Anime fan, particularly when it comes to Naruto. There's something so cool about Japanese cartoons, I think its the fact most of them are designed with adults in mind. But its more than that, its the character development, I remember talking to my good friend Lyds about this, in Naruto for example one part of a storyline wasn't revealed until 300 odd episodes in (I mean who has that vision for a cartoon!!) granted it wasn't a major part but it was a nice bread crumb to be given as the longer term story picked up the pace.

Of course where there's good there's also bad, I find you have to be careful with Manga etc. as due to the adult audience many end up having nudity / sex in them (fortunately Naruto doesn't) or else they can be very very dark almost satanic in some cases. I think that's the case with any kind of book or film, its just people will jump on it more in a cartoon due to them largely being seen as for children over here. As with most things in life you've got to use your own judgement and conscience.

A while ago I started drawing again, sadly due to lack of time that has stopped and my technique has become sloppy, I may start again when I'm on holiday with some back to basics stuff, what I'm really interested in at the moment though, is coming up with the vision for the depth of characters, yes I love drawing but ultimately it would be cool to create my own manga, even if it was a one off book (although that does contradict my previous point about long term development lol).

The Gospel
I recently purchased the new Kutless worship CD "It is well", now I'm a huge Kutless fan and unlike some other Christian rock bands both their rock and worship CD's hit the spot. Their last worship album "Strong Tower" has been in my changer for about 2 years, so when I saw there was a new one I snapped it up straight away.

I was really surprised this time round, not that its awesomely good, but the title track "It is well" is a quite brilliant arrangement of the old hymn "It is well with my soul". There's something really powerful about an old hymn, I think its lost in a lot of modern worship music mainly because its not really the fashion to talk about sin, God's all-mightiness or that even as a Christian, life is hard.

Today we tend to focus on the fluffy aspects of Christianity, fortunately in my own church there's a good approach to holiness and awe of God. It's wonderful to look at all the angles of our gospel and see God for who he is and not who we want him to be. Giving support to those who are going through hard times but are still praising the God of all!

Most of all its remembering that Jesus died for each of us and no matter what is going on in our lives or around us, he's not going to leave us.

Mathew 28:18-20 NLT
Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

=Monte Has Spoken =